Looking to the future

This blog contains "forward-looking" statements within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995 regarding business strategies, market potential, future financial and operational performance and other matters. Such forward-looking statements include, but are not limited to, statements regarding the anticipated benefits of the transaction and other statements identified by words such as "may," "will," "intend," "should," "expect," "might," "dunno," "maybe," "guess," "like, who knows, man?" or similar expressions.

These statements are based on management's current expectations and beliefs, warped, hopelessly blinkered and woolly as they may be, and are subject to uncertainty and changes in circumstances, including, but not limited to, the satisfaction of the closing conditions to any transaction and the parties' performance of their obligations under the agreements; changes in our plans, strategies and intentions; the competitiveness and quality of our products and services; our ability to retain, hire and develop key employees; shit happening; the intensity of competition; just dropping the ball, or blabbing during a big drunk in Vegas and those big guys in the morning saying they had photos and video but god that girl had such a sweet ass.

Any forward-looking information is not a guarantee of future performance and actual results may vary materially from those expressed or implied by the statements herein, due to changes in economic, business, competitive, technological, strategic and/or regulatory factors, as well as factors affecting our operations and businesses. Like being total pricks who've been insulated in some dumb private school and business-school make-believe cosy bubble since we were about 10, and who don't know our ass from our elbow in the real world of business and commerce, and have the MBAs to prove it.

More detailed information about these factors as they relate to us may be found in the section entitled "Shit and the Fan" in our Annual Report on Form 10-K, filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission. They never read that stuff anyway.

We are under no obligation to, and expressly disclaim any obligation to, update or alter the forward-looking statements contained in this blog, whether as a result of new information, future events, the bloody obvious, alien invasion, or otherwise. And hey, we don't have a f**king crystal ball, you know. However, we might just change it later to make it look like we were smarter earlier, because it's pretty easy to do that in a blog.

Inspired by an AOL press release.

Image: br3akthru / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Enjoyed this? You'll enjoy Age of Conversation 3, and so will charity: water who receive all proceeds from sales of this book.

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Tags: future, legalese, managementspeak, satire

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